You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Text me some of your sweat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
