after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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