I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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