dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
