I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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