Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
