If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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