This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
