and she was petting her beer can
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
