You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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