Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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