anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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