I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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