____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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