Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
