I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
