and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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