Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
