If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
