pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize