If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize