dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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