doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
