I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
