she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
