Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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