end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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