I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
