i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
