You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
