i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
