Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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