I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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