Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
