If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How external is "for external use only"?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
