those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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