Screwed.edu
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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