god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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