I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He better not be in your backpack
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
