Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
