Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
