I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
