Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
