I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize