I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
