he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
