I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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