you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
