you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize