Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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