Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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