the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize