If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
