go do what you do best...puke behind churches
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
