I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wear drunk well.
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