Even the bartender felt bad for me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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