On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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