There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
