Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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