I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
