If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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