Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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