I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
