I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
