If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize