this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
